@MACKABERNATHY

Pride.

Pride. It’s considered to be one of the “Seven Deadly Sins” for a reason. Over the past ten days I have personally witnessed pride and obsession over power and money destroy some of the relationships that are closest to me. And no, these relationships were not destroyed simply over the course of these ten days—this has been a long time coming.

Pride is not an emotion that just springs up on us overnight. It grows and festers in our hearts and minds slowly until it finally wells up so big that it trumps every other human emotion we hold dear. It clouds our vision and makes us intent on only one goal: to glorify ourselves to the fullest extent. No one else contributes to our successes, and everyone is to blame for our losses. Pride enables us to become martyrs for our own cause—everyone else is wronging us in some way; we are the only ones who know what’s best.

It’s almost as if this heightened sense of pride and egotism puts blinders on reality. I am still completely baffled as to how people who have everything they would ever need monetarily can be so completely unhappy and convinced that their lives are “awful”? And not only are they overly comfortable, living in excess wealth and an accumulation of “things”, but they are also blessed with the most amazing friends, family, and support system that they could ever ask for. And yet, they have nothing…their life is worthless.

About a week ago, one of my family members, who from the outside has everything he would ever need, told me his “life was completely awful”. At first, I was completely shocked that those words were being uttered from his mouth. AWFUL? Seriously?! WE ARE STANDING ON THE BEACHES OF HAWAII SURROUNDED BY 30+ OF YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND YOU ARE TELLING ME HOW HARD YOUR LIFE IS RIGHT NOW? Red flags and sirens were going off in my head like ticking time bombs. I wanted to slap him. I wanted him to shut his mouth and listen to the “adolescent 21 year old girl” standing in front of him. I may be young, but at that moment I understood the true meaning of joy in life better than the almost 50 year old man standing in front of me. But that would have done no good, so I stood there in silence. I listened to the rant that ensued for another hour of things that I and every other family member of mine did wrong on the trip and how we failed at life, and I accepted it. I say accepted it—not believed it—because I am not going to buy into false accusations stemmed from a distorted heart. My heart aches for him, mostly because part of what he said is true. His life is awful. It’s meaningless. Not because of the reasons he gave me (or for the attacks he felt he has suffered), but because he has let the Devil get a strong foothold in his life, and he is walking far from the Lord.

All this talk about pride, power, and wealth reminded me of Uzziah in 2 Chronicles. Uzziah was only sixteen when he became King of Judah. His name means “the Lord is my strength” and he ruled for 52 years. During his rule, he did right in the sight of the Lord and he brought Judah to its highest status both militarily and economically at the time. Unfortunately, Uzziah’s reign will not be most remembered for his success, but rather his downfall: his proud heart. He sinned against the Lord by entering the temple and burned incense on the alter, which violated God’s law that no king could also be a priest. He also disobeyed God’s command that the offices of priest, prophet, and king could not be combined in one man until the Messiah. With his head full of pride, God struck Uzziah with leprosy, and he became a leper until the day of his death. Sadly, his reign is most known and remembered for this sickness, rather than his accolades. “After Uzziah became powerful, his pride led to his downfall. -2 Chronicles 26:16

There is hope for us all, however. To say that I am not a prideful person would be a sin in itself. Pride is a facet of us all. Some struggle with it to a greater degree than others, but it is in each of us, as we are all human—all imperfect. The entire chapter of Romans 8 gives me hope and understanding. It reminds us of what we are truly living for—where our worth lies. It is not what we have on this earth that makes our lives meaningful, it is what we have to look forward to after our time on this earth is up.

“You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life[d] because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you.” —Romans 8:9-11

“Hey…it’s been awhile.”

What do you say to an old friend you haven’t talked to in awhile? That one person that you have neglected to reach out to for days, months, or even years? There’s been times when you have even ignored their efforts to contact you, and although there’s that small urge in the back of your head to make an effort to pick up the phone and call, instead you deny that urge and you find yourself waiting. Waiting for your anxiety to pass. Waiting for a sense of excitement to take hold of you. Waiting for another opportunity when you know the right words to say. Waiting… for what?

I’m tired of waiting.

Fifteen Days.

Fifteen. That’s how many full days I have left here in Kansas before I head home to Texas for the summer. Fifteen days left as a Junior. Fifteen days left in this house with my four other wonderful roommates who are all graduating and moving on with their lives. Fifteen days left to spend with my best friend before she transfers to A&M next year.

Life is changing. I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am to be going home to Texas this summer. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my home. I miss familiarity and my roots. I miss Texas pride and southern drawl. I miss the Rangers. I miss everything about it—from the warm summer nights to the scorching summer days. I miss running every morning before the sun comes up and feeling fulfilled, blessed by an amazingly faithful God.

I’m not saying I don’t like Kansas or that I’m not going to miss it at all. But I am at a crossroad in my life—a point where I see the future and where I am being called, and I don’t see my calling in Kansas. I’m here, for now, but my heart is in Texas. And it always has been.

Luckily, the Lord is holding my heart in His hands and as long as I am obedient, I trust in the path I am taking.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” -Matthew 6:19-21

Fourteen.

If you have time, I really encourage you to read the following article. It’s really interesting! Of course it’s not making today’s headlines, but I think it’s pretty cool. :)

http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_thelookout/20110330/ts_yblog_thelookout/could-lead-codices-prove-the-major-discovery-of-christian-history

Yes, this article kind of excited me and gets me spinning about the Lord’s return on earth. However, we must be ready at every given moment. We have to stop striving to be “religious” rather we need to equip ourselves so that we are spiritually ready for His return. The Bible is constantly telling us to “seek the Lord our God with all our heart and soul” (Deuteronomy 4:29) and to live our lives with a sole purpose and end result in mind, “looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith” (Hebrews 12:2). In this day and age, society tends to view Christians as being crazy optimists who have impractical and even chimerical ideas about “life” “Heaven” and “God”. But let me ask you this: if we do not equip ourselves and are not ready for the return of God at any given moment, how are we so certain that we will be ready to face Him when He does finally return? What are we waiting for? Why are we not living our lives with Godly intentions? We have to be prepared to face Him at any time. Because, let me put it this way: when that day comes, all of the worldly efforts and aspirations of this earth will be in vain, and WE will be the only ones who are ready.

Technically, Thirteen.

SO SORRY IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I LAST POSTED! Midterms have been super crazy and have kept me really busy. Plus, this past week was Spring Break and I was in San Antonio for the Sweet 16/Elite 8! I’m sad about KU losing :( but we had a great year and I am so blessed we made it as far as we did!

Anyways, so this is going to be kind of a quick post, but I just wanted to share with you some of my thoughts about churches/our current generation basing our faith off of our own emotions. Recently, someone messaged me on Facebook and questioned why I had switched churches this past semester. I told him that I wanted to make sure that I was going to church for the right reasons and that I just really value that the services at my new church are heavily based on scripture and less based on “feelings”. He then asked me how I felt about Francis Chan, the author of the book “Crazy Love”. I was kind of pressed for time, so I gave him a quick answer, one that was not completely accurate and did not fully convey what I should have said—”Ah it’s been about 4 years since I’ve last read that book, but I like it a lot. Francis Chan is a great speaker and has a lot of wisdom. Why?” He replied, “I wondered if you thought he was more a “feelings” type or a “scriptural” type of speaker, because I was looking for another example to make sure I understood what you meant. I guess you could say further clarification.”

I just came back to this message today (he replied to me over a week ago) and I realized that I needed to take some more time to elaborate and give him a better response. I still didn’t have much time to write this, so let me know if anyone wants more clarification, but I just thought I might share it with you all just in case anyone else was wondering why I switched churches…

“Ahh I see! Well, I’m not going to lie, I’m not that knowledgeable about Francis Chan or his writing, but I do like that book. It has a lot of great points and ideas in it. That’s why I would say that I feel as though a lot of the assertions he makes in it are “wise”, although I don’t really know if that’s the term I was looking for. Spiritual wisdom is something that is hard for us to judge in others, so I take back what I said about him having a lot of wisdom, rather I like a lot of the ideas he throws around in that book. For further clarification on the “feelings” type of thing—I just mean that I think our generation really needs to be careful on not getting carried away by the emotions that we feel involving our faith. It is the emotional highs and lows that send us on a rollercoaster. Unless we are really able to establish a firm foundation in scripture and knowledge of what and why we believe what we do, we are never really going to grow or get a firm grasp on what having a faith really is. I think a lot of our generation gets caught up in great worship music and the interpretations of speakers and writers about the Bible, that a lot of times we have a tendency to really stray from the fundamental teachings of the Bible. When this happens, we base our reasons for going to church and other “Godly” activities (Bible studies, worship services, seminars, even volunteer work sometimes) for how we FEEL when or after we attend. Emotion cannot govern the will of our lives…we must read the scriptures, serve others, and pray, even when it is not easy or fun. Sorry, that was a bit of a tangent, but maybe you understand kind of what I am saying now? I think what you asked about Francis Chan was kind of on the same page as this…in order to find the answers to the spiritual questions we have or the conflicts the world presents us with in regards to worldly views and our faiths, we can only truly seek the answers in the Bible. We, as Christians, can’t justify our beliefs through emotions or interpretations of the scripture…it’s very black and white. Right and wrong. It bothers me to go to a Church service that isn’t focused as much on the Bible as much as on a “topic”. Feelings won’t expand my faith, knowledge will.”

Adios, bloggers! Hopefully it won’t take me another year to update this thing! :)

Quite simply, Eleven.

First things first, I think our society as a whole needs to face certain facts. To begin: You are NOT independent, and no, you have NOT arrived. You CAN’T do everything on your own and you are NOT stronger than everybody else. Nope. You need grace just as much as the rest of us. You need it as much today as when you first set foot on this earth. You need grace as much today as the hour you first believed.

It’s okay to be “weak”. Weakness is human. It’s okay to be broken. Anybody who is trying to pretend that they have all the pieces of their life together needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and become cognizant of their many imperfections.

Why is it so hard for some people to accept love? This world is full of human beings. All perfectly imperfect, just as you are, as I am. All flawed, but in a beautifully flawless way—each of us formed by an infallible God. I can almost guarantee you that at least one individual on this earth is willing to show you compassion, to show you love. Don’t tell me there isn’t anyone who would answer your phone call when you were in dire need. In fact, don’t tell me there isn’t a single person on this earth who would answer your phone call even if you WEREN’T in dire need. That right there should show you that someone loves you—someone truly does care.

Love is all around you. That fact is made apparent to us in a variety of ways—including creation itself. The beauty of this earth was fashioned in such a way that God could remind us daily of how much he truly loves us and how blessed we are. This earth was created to be inhabited by man. Man was put on this earth to rule and have dominion over all, and we were then commanded to do one thing above all else: Love. This doesn’t mean to love just yourself. Don’t make yourself an idol by worshipping the ground you walk on or by expecting others to do the same. Just, simply, love one another. And, in return, allow yourself to be loved.

I hope you all have a wonderful night and are able to (hopefully) be in the presence of someone you love. And, if not, don’t forget about the One above—the One who created us all; the One who the word “love” was created by and is truly intended for. Be content in knowing that his yearning for your heart is the greatest love of all.

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.” -1 Corinthians 13:1-3

Ten bare fingers.

Last night I was feeling kind of down most of the day and I couldn’t explain why. I was so frustrated with myself and my feelings of self-pity because I had no idea where they were stemming from. Either it was due to some underlying psychological problem that I have yet to discover or it was just me immersing myself in feelings of excessive, self-absorbed unhappiness for no reason at all. I’m still not entirely certain which of these reasons my semi-depression resulted from, although I do hope it is the latter. All I can say is that I am thankful I was having this off-day because it gave me the urge to pull out my old prayer journal from last year and reread through some of the entries. I don’t know why I thought to do this, but after skimming through just a few pages, I was overwhelmed by the realization of how truly faithful God is.

Tucked inside my prayer journal, laying folded and tear-stained (ha I know that sounds cheesy, but so true) was a sheet of paper that I have not read in over eight months. A dear friend had given it to me last year and I remember crying when I read it. Okay, not just crying—literally BAWLING. It was so beautiful, and yet so hard for me to read because it hit so close to home. It emphasized how much I had been trying to dictate the plans the Lord has for my life. Reading it reminded me of who I should first and foremost be seeking, and that if I delight myself in the Lord, he will give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). It was so incredibly hard for me to read because I was CONVICTED. I knew that I had made man an Idol before God, and that I had lost sight of what should be sole focus—the Lord.

As painful as it was to read the letter, it also brought me great hope. Rediscovering it again yesterday reminded me of how much I have been blessed. It reiterated how fleeting and trivial the present sufferings of this world are to the Joy that awaits us—eternal life with our Heavenly Father.

So, that being said, I decided to type out the letter that was given to me on that day so that all of you could read it and I hope it is able to bring some of you the same comfort and hope it still brings me. :) REJOICE in this time that you have solely with your Father. Seek Him first, and I GUARANTEE YOU, He WILL grant you the desires of your heart…

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone—to have a deep soul relationship with another—to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God to a Christian says, “No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and content with being loved by me alone—with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me—to having an intensely personal and unique relationship with me alone, discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me—exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest—keep experiencing the satisfaction that I AM. Don’t be anxious. Don’t worry…Don’t look around at the things others have gotten or what I’ve given them. Don’t look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you’ll miss what I want to show you. And then, when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would dream of. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working even this moment to have both of you ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me, and is thus the perfect love. And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with myself. Know that I love you utterly. I AM. Believe it and be satisfied.”

Yes? Nein? No. Nine.

Today’s post is going to be short. It has been a good day. I have had a lot of time to reflect, which is something I am very thankful for.

As I was reading and journaling earlier, I came across this quote that my mom sent me a couple of weeks ago that I have been meaning to share. It is something that I think we should all consider:

“Don’t worry about what you do not understand. Worry about what you do understand in the Bible but do not live by.”

-Currently missing: Komo 4
-Currently listening to: When She Comes Around - Ben Rector
-Currently reading: 

“Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”                          -2 Timothy 2:22

I’ll leave you all with a few more Kamp photos, since that’s obviously what I’m thinking about a lot right now…

Love you all…hope you have a Blessed day.

Forever grEIGHT.

After being questioned on Wednesday night by Rebeka Stowe, “When is blog post number eight?” I figure this post is a little overdue. I’m sorry for the wait if any of you have been checking back recently. I think one of my biggest problems with Blogging is that I have a hard time with being concise. I have a ton of thoughts and notions circulating in my mind, so it’s hard for me to sit down and knock out a post in a matter of minutes. But that is beside the point for this post—SEE, AGAIN I AM GOING OFF ON A TANGENT. Reel it in, Mackenzie…

I don’t know how many of you are avid Twitter users, but I have to admit that I am a fan of the concept of the site because I really enjoy some of the wit and inspiration that can be passed along in 140 characters or less. And, just between you and me, I absolutely LOVE it when someone hashtags me. You know… when someone gives a shout out such as, “Haha I agree @mackabernathy” or my personal favorite, when someone Retweets me. I don’t think any Twitter user can deny that when someone Retweets them it gives them a slight feeling of satisfaction, even if it’s for just a fleeting moment. And if, by some amazing happenstance, one is miraculously Retweeted by someone famous or truly admired, DO NOT even try to deny that feeling of slight ecstasy you feel. Is it sad that I was pretty pleased with myself for getting a Retweet from @FakeJoeDooley? STUPID as it may be, we are all humans and it is a pride issue here…one that we all struggle with in our own way.

Ah, so I hope you all have enjoyed my transition into my topic for today: the sin of pride. That’s a big one. As I said before, we all struggle with it, so it is something each of us cannot deny. I know a lot of people who are prideful over worldly things—the obvious God-given talents they have cultivated or material possessions they have attained over the years. Those are the obvious pride issues. We see celebrities on TV showcasing their success or beautiful women who flaunt their beauty immodestly. We see basketball and football players on our campuses that think it is acceptable to walk around with an inflated head and expect praise, admiration, and special treatment everywhere they go. Of course it is easy for us to pick out these people and attempt to admonish their deemed “sinful” behavior or even turn a blind eye to it by accepting that maybe they are just better, more beautiful, or more talented than us. FALSE—they are uniquely blessed. You may not be as famous, as rich, or able to showcase a Big 12 Championship ring, but in God’s eyes, the gifts He has blessed you with (yes, He has blessed us all), are just as great.

The purpose of this entry is not to criticize those individuals who we see on a regular basis who may or may not be struggling with pride issues. In a way, they are all wearing a Scarlet Letter, making it obvious to the world that they struggle with this particular sin. I actually want to touch on a much deeper, underlying sense of pride here that many of us tend to overlook. Let me ask you this question: What do you do that makes you regard yourself as a “good person”? I’m not asking you what your definition of a “good person” is, rather I am asking what activities you partake in each day that help constitute the making of a “good person”. In some ways, this can even be translated into being a “good Christian”…do you pray on a daily basis, do you attend church regularly, do you serve others, are you nice to those around you? Now don’t misunderstand me when I say that yes, ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE VERY “GOOD”, but they are not what make any of us a “good” person.

How does this relate back to the topic of pride, you may ask? Well, think about it. So, you do all of these things on a regular basis. Good for you. Everyone in your community sees you as being a wonderful person. People recognize you everywhere as that “modest” or “humble” or “GOOD” individual. You start to see yourself in this way. You start to enjoy the praise and affirmation. Let me ask you another question….is it going to your head yet?

Come on, let’s be real. Each of us loves to be recognized for the things we do, especially if they are things done well. But, we have to check ourselves on a regular basis to make sure we are doing all of these things with the right intentions. Are you serving in a way to honor God, HUMBLY? As in, are you serving for yourself, and this includes that feeling of satisfaction that you get when you think you have done something “good”, or is your sole-intention to serve others and ultimately, God? Because, if any part of you is doing all of these “good” or even “Godly” things to gain personal satisfaction or glorification, you are not living righteously. So be careful! You don’t want to turn the outward sin of pride into an inner hypocrisy.

“For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” –Matthew 23:12

Sorry for the lengthy ramble! But thanks for reading. And I’m checking myself on this right now—doing some reverse psychology on my iPhone vs Go-Phone post. I may be a little too proud of the fact that I am living “simply” or “modestly” in certain areas of my life, whereas others I seriously lack minimalism. How can I knock other people for what they have while at the same time not realizing that proudly disowning material possessions can become just as lofty an approach? I love it that I can be honest on here and wrestle through my own ideas and flaws. Thanks again for reading.

“See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.” –Colossians 2:8

^Random photo from Kamp this summer that makes me so happy. Love you, Em!